6.13.2008
12 Tracks From Your Favorite Fuckup!
Ridiculous. My life, that is. Completely farcical.
Since that's the case, why spend time doing anything other than coming up with names for "my band" 's future albums?
Premade Bears - A Grey Zone For Baby-Faced Adults
Premade Bears - Is In Your Extended Network [online release only EP]
Premade Bears - Fuck Trains, Fuck Boys, Fuck All
Premade Bears - Blue Balls For Your Heart Parts
Premade Bears - An Animal Makes A Mistake
Premade Bears - ;s are for Lovers
Premade Bears - Boom Boom! [girl groups covers EP]
Premade Bears - Another Mysterious Bruise On My Arm?
Since that's the case, why spend time doing anything other than coming up with names for "my band" 's future albums?
Premade Bears - A Grey Zone For Baby-Faced Adults
Premade Bears - Is In Your Extended Network [online release only EP]
Premade Bears - Fuck Trains, Fuck Boys, Fuck All
Premade Bears - Blue Balls For Your Heart Parts
Premade Bears - An Animal Makes A Mistake
Premade Bears - ;s are for Lovers
Premade Bears - Boom Boom! [girl groups covers EP]
Premade Bears - Another Mysterious Bruise On My Arm?
6.08.2008
THANK GOD HE'S WEARING A HELMET
I LOVE IT WHEN CNN IMITATES THE ONION.
It's just as funny, but it's real life!:
- Their own version of the “hand shake.”
- The outing was cut short by a downpour.
- 'The Huckabee Heimlich'
- I want to go to the Magic Kingdom with Hillary.
It's just as funny, but it's real life!:
- Their own version of the “hand shake.”
- The outing was cut short by a downpour.
- 'The Huckabee Heimlich'
- I want to go to the Magic Kingdom with Hillary.
6.01.2008
in which i crack myself up on google chat.
me: there's a song on the upcoming okkervil river album called "On Tour With Zykos"
like, really.
gomillis: haha
so are you still down for hanging out tomorrow?
me: yeah man.
"on tour with zykos" though? really? i can't stop wondering what that song will sound like.
gomillis: it'll just be about hanging with the dudes
having fun, playin jams
me: i'm hoping he actually sings 'booher' at some point during the song
'booher is everywhere'
'look at his hair'
'bear'
'bare'
that's a really good impression of okkervil river lyric stylings right there.
like, really.
gomillis: haha
so are you still down for hanging out tomorrow?
me: yeah man.
"on tour with zykos" though? really? i can't stop wondering what that song will sound like.
gomillis: it'll just be about hanging with the dudes
having fun, playin jams
me: i'm hoping he actually sings 'booher' at some point during the song
'booher is everywhere'
'look at his hair'
'bear'
'bare'
that's a really good impression of okkervil river lyric stylings right there.
Labels: funny, internets, lovedones, music, okkervilriver
5.20.2008
Reasons Why I Am Quitting Myspace (Tomorrow!):
- I like facebook, goodreads, and flickr a hell of a lot better - design wise and content wise - and I would rather support and encourage websites that match my aesthetic and my beliefs.
- I spend way (way way way) too much time looking at myspace and, specifically, unhealthily obsessing over a small set of people's profiles, comments, and updates.
- I think that rather than trying to articulate my personality with words in a way that will seem appealing or magical or sexy or cute or funny, I should just try to BE all of those things in real life. And, relatedly, I think it kind of takes the fun out of getting to know people naturally to be able to refer to a list of all of their favorites and a concise summary of who they think they are.
- I would like my 'internet presence' to be content based and myspace is definitively personality based.
- Top friends. Need I say more?
- It's kind of cool to not have it at this point, right?
All of that said, I'm kind of cheating. I put up a music profile awhile back with some of my silly songs, and for now I'm keeping it. I've been working on music again and planning a show (!), so I feel like it makes sense for me to leave it there. I have a fraction of the friends that I have on my regular profile there and I'm not going to promote it any further until there are songs I'm more proud of up. I'm hoping that since I've made the definitive move of canceling my personal account, I won't start using that one the same way. To safeguard against that I'll be turning off email notification on that account and only checking on it maybe once a week.
& so that this post isn't solely an over-analysis of a trivial matter, here's a list of fake bands I've been a 'member' of:
- Shock The Nation / Shark Attack (third grade - me, Andrew, Jackie, Julia)
- Megalife (me, Isaac, Josh, maybe Robert/Mona/Jen?)
- Quicksilver Stallion (me, Sarah, Michelle, Isaac)
- The Poison Vixen Trio (me, Sarah, Michelle)
- Magic Action (me, Michelle)
- Man-Boy (me, Meaghan, Sarah Bear - 70s cover band)
- Another Day, Another Man (me, Mandy, Jen Mo)
- The Post-Sunset Muffins (me, Andy, Craig - possibly not-fake someday?)
- Slow Little Oranges (me, Mandy -- name coined by Kathleen in reference to a tree full of baby sloths (!!))
- Sloth Cabinet (me, Patrick)
- I spend way (way way way) too much time looking at myspace and, specifically, unhealthily obsessing over a small set of people's profiles, comments, and updates.
- I think that rather than trying to articulate my personality with words in a way that will seem appealing or magical or sexy or cute or funny, I should just try to BE all of those things in real life. And, relatedly, I think it kind of takes the fun out of getting to know people naturally to be able to refer to a list of all of their favorites and a concise summary of who they think they are.
- I would like my 'internet presence' to be content based and myspace is definitively personality based.
- Top friends. Need I say more?
- It's kind of cool to not have it at this point, right?
All of that said, I'm kind of cheating. I put up a music profile awhile back with some of my silly songs, and for now I'm keeping it. I've been working on music again and planning a show (!), so I feel like it makes sense for me to leave it there. I have a fraction of the friends that I have on my regular profile there and I'm not going to promote it any further until there are songs I'm more proud of up. I'm hoping that since I've made the definitive move of canceling my personal account, I won't start using that one the same way. To safeguard against that I'll be turning off email notification on that account and only checking on it maybe once a week.
& so that this post isn't solely an over-analysis of a trivial matter, here's a list of fake bands I've been a 'member' of:
- Shock The Nation / Shark Attack (third grade - me, Andrew, Jackie, Julia)
- Megalife (me, Isaac, Josh, maybe Robert/Mona/Jen?)
- Quicksilver Stallion (me, Sarah, Michelle, Isaac)
- The Poison Vixen Trio (me, Sarah, Michelle)
- Magic Action (me, Michelle)
- Man-Boy (me, Meaghan, Sarah Bear - 70s cover band)
- Another Day, Another Man (me, Mandy, Jen Mo)
- The Post-Sunset Muffins (me, Andy, Craig - possibly not-fake someday?)
- Slow Little Oranges (me, Mandy -- name coined by Kathleen in reference to a tree full of baby sloths (!!))
- Sloth Cabinet (me, Patrick)
Labels: funny, internets, lists, lovedones, politics
11.12.2007
camp poetry.
I went camping with a bunch of friends this weekend and, dorks that we are, we spent hours playing the 'poetry game'. Each player gets a page to start a poem and then passes it to the person next to them. As the poems get passed around, each player folds over the lines above the one they just wrote so you only get to see the line right before yours. Then when the papers are full, you read aloud. It was pretty much the funniest, most inspiring, bizarre, wonderful time ever. Although a lot of the poems were super ridiculous and silly, we impressed ourselves by collectively writing some genuinely beautiful stuff. Here are a few extra-solid examples of what we did. Keep in mind, these were written by eight people who had been drinking since 10:30 am.
Writing by Summer, Laurie, Kelly, Patrick, Gabriella, Bryan, Thomas, and Mandy, otherwise known as 'River Krause' :
-
She was under the music’s spell
She closed her eyes and dropped her guard
dropped her shirt and shoes.
Before she fell to the floor in a crumpled mess they all laughed and pointed.
She meant to fall down.
Scraped knees are dirty dignified badges.
Distinguished bruises, I cruise my memory for thoughts of you, morning pancake days.
Coffee, smokes. Pictures of you – every day.
A fresh start
But how many “fresh starts” do we each get?
Zero. Nothing is really new, is it?
But what did you really want to know?
I could tell you everything in five minutes but the truth would lose it’s luster.
-
Even when we yelled,
It tasted like a whisper
And then I heard silence coming back in from the cold wind.
And it was fascinating to hear silence.
The echo of empty it embraced
Like a rock tossed in a well.
Dark, cold, alone.
In a dungeon of doubt.
Handing on the cliff of a memory
holding on because letting go would mean something ended. You hate endings.
There’s a possibility that this won’t stop being painful, but what the hell.
It’s not always healthy to feel good.
Sometimes, it is necessary to die.
To be re-born…
-
Her eyes were tired.
Dark circles made her seem older, more experienced, sexy.
She was tired. Possibly.
Possibly because she was on some awesome drugs.
Or just seeing clearly for the last time.
The last time she opened her eyes, it hurt.
And she wished she were blind.
So she wouldn't see his...
It's not scary, not scary, not scary.
It's cinematic.
And profoundly monochromatic.
Meditated upon like Rothko.
-
Otis had it rough
and tumble
down down down until there was only me.
Well me, and that guy, and this girl make three.
Changing who I thought I could be.
You know, something kind of new. Maybe pink.
Maybe blue. For boys and sky -- two things I hate most of all.
"I'll break myself of it once and for all."
He said for the fourth time.
She watched the progress of her cigarette,
to be interpreted as the shortening of her patience.
He left without words, he wanted to hit her.
He ran to his car and punched the window.
Fuck!
You!
-
Hills ran for miles through the window of the train
the rain raced rivers on her cheeks,
cutting through the beauty shell.
I wash my face and stare at the mirror.
And hope they have forgotten my bad-luck incidents with their ancestors.
The ancient dead have no reason to forgive our bullshit.
But it doesn't matter, we leave them flowers.
Posies for rememberance, it feels like it's been hours.
Hours, or days -- it's easy to lose track.
Lose time, lost mind. Missing hours spent with an ex-boyfriend,
taking Zanax and talking on the phone.
Was that my phone going off? Hold on.
As per usual,
everything is always the same.
-
This is a great first line
It came from the record player, scratchy and proud
like a goddamn lullaby in the middle of the day
sung with conviction -- enough to believe.
They had stars like firecrackers in their eyes and then they stopped.
She reached out her hand like a ghost
and stuck it right through him.
"Oh," he said, "that feels nice."
But really, it felt awful.
...like a thousand tiny submarines of grief.
like a bathtub full of blood or money -- what's the difference?
Different strokes, different folks.
"That's the way," people say, "the game is played."
Cheaters win, and love becomes suspect.
Sluts win! Sluts win! Sluts win!
But we let them.
Writing by Summer, Laurie, Kelly, Patrick, Gabriella, Bryan, Thomas, and Mandy, otherwise known as 'River Krause' :
-
She was under the music’s spell
She closed her eyes and dropped her guard
dropped her shirt and shoes.
Before she fell to the floor in a crumpled mess they all laughed and pointed.
She meant to fall down.
Scraped knees are dirty dignified badges.
Distinguished bruises, I cruise my memory for thoughts of you, morning pancake days.
Coffee, smokes. Pictures of you – every day.
A fresh start
But how many “fresh starts” do we each get?
Zero. Nothing is really new, is it?
But what did you really want to know?
I could tell you everything in five minutes but the truth would lose it’s luster.
-
Even when we yelled,
It tasted like a whisper
And then I heard silence coming back in from the cold wind.
And it was fascinating to hear silence.
The echo of empty it embraced
Like a rock tossed in a well.
Dark, cold, alone.
In a dungeon of doubt.
Handing on the cliff of a memory
holding on because letting go would mean something ended. You hate endings.
There’s a possibility that this won’t stop being painful, but what the hell.
It’s not always healthy to feel good.
Sometimes, it is necessary to die.
To be re-born…
-
Her eyes were tired.
Dark circles made her seem older, more experienced, sexy.
She was tired. Possibly.
Possibly because she was on some awesome drugs.
Or just seeing clearly for the last time.
The last time she opened her eyes, it hurt.
And she wished she were blind.
So she wouldn't see his...
It's not scary, not scary, not scary.
It's cinematic.
And profoundly monochromatic.
Meditated upon like Rothko.
-
Otis had it rough
and tumble
down down down until there was only me.
Well me, and that guy, and this girl make three.
Changing who I thought I could be.
You know, something kind of new. Maybe pink.
Maybe blue. For boys and sky -- two things I hate most of all.
"I'll break myself of it once and for all."
He said for the fourth time.
She watched the progress of her cigarette,
to be interpreted as the shortening of her patience.
He left without words, he wanted to hit her.
He ran to his car and punched the window.
Fuck!
You!
-
Hills ran for miles through the window of the train
the rain raced rivers on her cheeks,
cutting through the beauty shell.
I wash my face and stare at the mirror.
And hope they have forgotten my bad-luck incidents with their ancestors.
The ancient dead have no reason to forgive our bullshit.
But it doesn't matter, we leave them flowers.
Posies for rememberance, it feels like it's been hours.
Hours, or days -- it's easy to lose track.
Lose time, lost mind. Missing hours spent with an ex-boyfriend,
taking Zanax and talking on the phone.
Was that my phone going off? Hold on.
As per usual,
everything is always the same.
-
This is a great first line
It came from the record player, scratchy and proud
like a goddamn lullaby in the middle of the day
sung with conviction -- enough to believe.
They had stars like firecrackers in their eyes and then they stopped.
She reached out her hand like a ghost
and stuck it right through him.
"Oh," he said, "that feels nice."
But really, it felt awful.
...like a thousand tiny submarines of grief.
like a bathtub full of blood or money -- what's the difference?
Different strokes, different folks.
"That's the way," people say, "the game is played."
Cheaters win, and love becomes suspect.
Sluts win! Sluts win! Sluts win!
But we let them.
Labels: funny, lovedones, mywriting, poetry
5.26.2007
a dumb survey.
when all else fails...
1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
I do not have a car. I keep things that I feel like most people keep in the backs of their cars on the side of my bed I don't sleep on. Right now there's the purse I just switched out for a different one, my ipod and some headphones, The Brothers K, a Whole Foods baguette wrapper, and a few mixtapes. And my boombox, but it stays there. Sometimes I hug it and hold it close to my face when I'm sleeping. True story. I have a bike basket now too, but there's nothing in it right now. Sometime soon I want to put fruit and flowers in it and ride around just being the cutest girl in the world.
2. When was the last time you threw up?
About a week ago. I slept on a headache and woke up nauseous. It happens. It wasn't very glamorous, let me tell you.
3. What's your favorite curse word?
Fuckword!
4. Name one person who made you smile this morning?
The girl at coffee looked really cute and then told me she liked my necklace. That's one of the only human interactions I've had today, so she's been raised to idol status.
5. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Trying really hard to justify still being in bed; staring at my phone alarm and putting pillows over my head.
6. Favorite sports team?
BookPeople Softball.
7. If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be?
I like how Kezia wrote 'no.' But I will indulge. This question is hard for me mostly because I'm not sure what qualifies as a 'celebrity'. What about people I know who happen to write books or play in relatively successful bands? If we're using a fairly wide scope, I might go for Will Sheff, you know, because I listen to his ideas every day already, plus I think he's nice and he reads good books. Or Jonathan Safran Foer? Could he count? Oh man, Jeffrey Brown? Craig Thompson? Do they count? If we're using a narrower definition -- magazine cover famous -- I would go for Gael Garcia Bernal. That boy gets my knickers in a twist. (Gross.) If Gael Garcia Bernal and I got married I imagine he would eat really fancy peach pies and talk to me about latin american politics and then we would lay in the sun on our porch and make out. That'd be neat.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Surprisingly, no.
9. Have you ever known someone that killed another person?
Not that they know of. Or I know of.
12. What are you wearing right now?
This little black skirt and this little white shirt, both pilfered from clothes exchange. And tights. Even though it's summertime. Whatever, it's kind of cold. My shirt has a fake flower on it that is black. That's kind of weird, right?
13. Last food you ate?
Last night at about four in the morning I made myself two (two!) fake chicken and swiss cheese sandwiches. I fried the fake chicken cutlets in oil with basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme, salt, and lemon pepper. I am an insane person. They were really excellent sandwiches.
14. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
I really wish. Well, I shouldn't wish. Because my closet is ridiculous. But I do wish. I wish. There's this skirt at By George that I really want, but I've never bought anything at By George in my life... I need to go to Savers and get my drug fix.
15. When was the last time you ran?
It makes me really sad to say that the answer to this is that I don't remember.
16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
BookPeople Softball.
17. Last movie you saw?
Jeff and I watched Manhattan a few days ago. I have the Pavement documentary sitting at home and no one will ever watch it with me so I'm just waiting for an evening to myself...
18. Who is the last person you sent a message on myspace to?
Jeromeo.
19. Ever go camping?
Yes. I miss camping. I want to go camping this summer. Do you want to go camping with me? We can roast things. And talk. And walk around and look at stuff on the ground like deer scat and rocks. And then we can find a creek and roll up our pants or if it's nighttime just skinnydip. And then we can roast more things and talk more and sleep in our bags and feel like little snow peas all lined up in a row...
20. Were you ever an honor roll student in school?
I don't really remember. I was only in school though third grade. Mom? Dad?
21. Do you like sushi?
Sort of. I like making it and looking at it and thinking about it a lot more than I like eating it, though.
22. Do you have a tan?
I just get pink cheeks and freckled shoulders.
24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
I love that! Especially putting a straw and maybe even an umbrella in a really cold CAN of coca cola classic. That is one of my favorite things ever. Honestly.
26. Are you someone's best friend?
I like to think so.
29. What color is your watch?
My cell phone is black.
31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Hello? Kangaroos, Dingos, Echidnas, Platypi? Of course! The best animals in the world except for maybe Costa Rica, because they have sloths there... Hooray Australia!
32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yes! <3!
33. What is your birth stone?
Ruby. Doesn't 'birth stone' sound pretty wooey and kind of gross to you? Like it's something that comes out of your mom at the same time you do to commemerate your birth? I don't know, I'm kind of skeeved by that...
34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
The only fast food places I ever go are Taco Cabana and Sonic. At Sonic, I sit in someone's car and wait for someone to bring it out. I've eaten at the little tables outside a couple times, but it makes me feel kind of weird. My favorite waitress at the Sonic by my house is named Arwen. I like that, and she's nice. At Taco Cabana I eat inside. The Taco Cabana on Riverside and Barton Springs is very efficient and usually clean, even though (like all Taco Cabanas, ever) their cokes are bad. But the one on east Riverside or Oltorf or wherever that one is -- that one is really weird. It seems really big and busy but they are very inefficient... I still eat inside, though.
35. What is your favorite number?
I remember people asking me this question when I was a kid and I always felt like there were certain numbers that other little kids always picked as their favorite -- 3 or 16 or 13 or 101 stand out to me even now -- so I picked a number I felt was underrated, the number 4. Except back then and even now, as arbitrary as 'what is your favorite number?' is for someone who is not a math geek, it feels false to say that... I don't even like the number 4. I think it's pretty square, actually. I'm going to go ahead and say that, these days, my favorite number is 62. Mostly because I like the way it looks.
36. Do you have a dog?
Oh lord I want one so bad you guys.
44. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Waking up early.
46. Are you allergic to anything?
Bees! Once I was in a bowling alley and I got stung by a bee and my mom wasn't there to put the stuff on it that made it okay (I should probably ask her about that now that I'm an adult, huh?) and my entire finger and hand got swollen to almost twice it's normal size. Creepy!
47. Favorite shoes that you wear all the time?
These little copper flats that are completly worn out and really loud but I love them so. I wear other shoes a lot but they are my favorites. I need to find new ones. Sigh.
48. What is one thing you've learned about life recently?
'No one really knows the ones they love; if you knew everything they thought about you you'd wish that they'd just shutup.'
49. Are you jealous of anyone?
I try to avoid it, but it happens. I don't hold it actively against people, though, I've always treated it as my own problem.
50. Is anyone jealous of you?
People who don't get to live with Rissa and Braedyn or hang out with Noah Poole. But no one specific, no.
51. do you have an ipod?
Yes. A little black nano. Right now I mostly just play the song "Love Power" by Dusty Springfield on repeat.
52. Do any of your friends have children?
Obviously. Lovely ones.
55. Do you hate anyone right now?
No.
58. How tall are you?
Five feet and four inches. More or less. Usually more, because I love me some stupid heels.
59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes I have. Awesome.
60. How did you get one of your scars?
My brother threw a brick at my face. I was two. He was four. Dramatic stuff.
1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
I do not have a car. I keep things that I feel like most people keep in the backs of their cars on the side of my bed I don't sleep on. Right now there's the purse I just switched out for a different one, my ipod and some headphones, The Brothers K, a Whole Foods baguette wrapper, and a few mixtapes. And my boombox, but it stays there. Sometimes I hug it and hold it close to my face when I'm sleeping. True story. I have a bike basket now too, but there's nothing in it right now. Sometime soon I want to put fruit and flowers in it and ride around just being the cutest girl in the world.
2. When was the last time you threw up?
About a week ago. I slept on a headache and woke up nauseous. It happens. It wasn't very glamorous, let me tell you.
3. What's your favorite curse word?
Fuckword!
4. Name one person who made you smile this morning?
The girl at coffee looked really cute and then told me she liked my necklace. That's one of the only human interactions I've had today, so she's been raised to idol status.
5. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Trying really hard to justify still being in bed; staring at my phone alarm and putting pillows over my head.
6. Favorite sports team?
BookPeople Softball.
7. If you could marry any celebrity today who would it be?
I like how Kezia wrote 'no.' But I will indulge. This question is hard for me mostly because I'm not sure what qualifies as a 'celebrity'. What about people I know who happen to write books or play in relatively successful bands? If we're using a fairly wide scope, I might go for Will Sheff, you know, because I listen to his ideas every day already, plus I think he's nice and he reads good books. Or Jonathan Safran Foer? Could he count? Oh man, Jeffrey Brown? Craig Thompson? Do they count? If we're using a narrower definition -- magazine cover famous -- I would go for Gael Garcia Bernal. That boy gets my knickers in a twist. (Gross.) If Gael Garcia Bernal and I got married I imagine he would eat really fancy peach pies and talk to me about latin american politics and then we would lay in the sun on our porch and make out. That'd be neat.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Surprisingly, no.
9. Have you ever known someone that killed another person?
Not that they know of. Or I know of.
12. What are you wearing right now?
This little black skirt and this little white shirt, both pilfered from clothes exchange. And tights. Even though it's summertime. Whatever, it's kind of cold. My shirt has a fake flower on it that is black. That's kind of weird, right?
13. Last food you ate?
Last night at about four in the morning I made myself two (two!) fake chicken and swiss cheese sandwiches. I fried the fake chicken cutlets in oil with basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme, salt, and lemon pepper. I am an insane person. They were really excellent sandwiches.
14. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
I really wish. Well, I shouldn't wish. Because my closet is ridiculous. But I do wish. I wish. There's this skirt at By George that I really want, but I've never bought anything at By George in my life... I need to go to Savers and get my drug fix.
15. When was the last time you ran?
It makes me really sad to say that the answer to this is that I don't remember.
16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
BookPeople Softball.
17. Last movie you saw?
Jeff and I watched Manhattan a few days ago. I have the Pavement documentary sitting at home and no one will ever watch it with me so I'm just waiting for an evening to myself...
18. Who is the last person you sent a message on myspace to?
Jeromeo.
19. Ever go camping?
Yes. I miss camping. I want to go camping this summer. Do you want to go camping with me? We can roast things. And talk. And walk around and look at stuff on the ground like deer scat and rocks. And then we can find a creek and roll up our pants or if it's nighttime just skinnydip. And then we can roast more things and talk more and sleep in our bags and feel like little snow peas all lined up in a row...
20. Were you ever an honor roll student in school?
I don't really remember. I was only in school though third grade. Mom? Dad?
21. Do you like sushi?
Sort of. I like making it and looking at it and thinking about it a lot more than I like eating it, though.
22. Do you have a tan?
I just get pink cheeks and freckled shoulders.
24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
I love that! Especially putting a straw and maybe even an umbrella in a really cold CAN of coca cola classic. That is one of my favorite things ever. Honestly.
26. Are you someone's best friend?
I like to think so.
29. What color is your watch?
My cell phone is black.
31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Hello? Kangaroos, Dingos, Echidnas, Platypi? Of course! The best animals in the world except for maybe Costa Rica, because they have sloths there... Hooray Australia!
32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yes! <3!
33. What is your birth stone?
Ruby. Doesn't 'birth stone' sound pretty wooey and kind of gross to you? Like it's something that comes out of your mom at the same time you do to commemerate your birth? I don't know, I'm kind of skeeved by that...
34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
The only fast food places I ever go are Taco Cabana and Sonic. At Sonic, I sit in someone's car and wait for someone to bring it out. I've eaten at the little tables outside a couple times, but it makes me feel kind of weird. My favorite waitress at the Sonic by my house is named Arwen. I like that, and she's nice. At Taco Cabana I eat inside. The Taco Cabana on Riverside and Barton Springs is very efficient and usually clean, even though (like all Taco Cabanas, ever) their cokes are bad. But the one on east Riverside or Oltorf or wherever that one is -- that one is really weird. It seems really big and busy but they are very inefficient... I still eat inside, though.
35. What is your favorite number?
I remember people asking me this question when I was a kid and I always felt like there were certain numbers that other little kids always picked as their favorite -- 3 or 16 or 13 or 101 stand out to me even now -- so I picked a number I felt was underrated, the number 4. Except back then and even now, as arbitrary as 'what is your favorite number?' is for someone who is not a math geek, it feels false to say that... I don't even like the number 4. I think it's pretty square, actually. I'm going to go ahead and say that, these days, my favorite number is 62. Mostly because I like the way it looks.
36. Do you have a dog?
Oh lord I want one so bad you guys.
44. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Waking up early.
46. Are you allergic to anything?
Bees! Once I was in a bowling alley and I got stung by a bee and my mom wasn't there to put the stuff on it that made it okay (I should probably ask her about that now that I'm an adult, huh?) and my entire finger and hand got swollen to almost twice it's normal size. Creepy!
47. Favorite shoes that you wear all the time?
These little copper flats that are completly worn out and really loud but I love them so. I wear other shoes a lot but they are my favorites. I need to find new ones. Sigh.
48. What is one thing you've learned about life recently?
'No one really knows the ones they love; if you knew everything they thought about you you'd wish that they'd just shutup.'
49. Are you jealous of anyone?
I try to avoid it, but it happens. I don't hold it actively against people, though, I've always treated it as my own problem.
50. Is anyone jealous of you?
People who don't get to live with Rissa and Braedyn or hang out with Noah Poole. But no one specific, no.
51. do you have an ipod?
Yes. A little black nano. Right now I mostly just play the song "Love Power" by Dusty Springfield on repeat.
52. Do any of your friends have children?
Obviously. Lovely ones.
55. Do you hate anyone right now?
No.
58. How tall are you?
Five feet and four inches. More or less. Usually more, because I love me some stupid heels.
59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes I have. Awesome.
60. How did you get one of your scars?
My brother threw a brick at my face. I was two. He was four. Dramatic stuff.
Labels: funny
4.18.2007
The Summer and Jeff Show Takes A Field Trip: Wan Fu!
A dining review written by Summer and Jeff as soon as we got back to Jeff's apartment last night...
Our young heroes order Wan Fu to be delivered in times of need. But last night, they wanted to sit down somewhere, so a momentous decision was made. Eating inside at the original Wan Fu on east Oltorf.
Summer and Jeff entered the warehouse like building confused, wondering if the people loitering at the front door were in line. It turned out to be homeless people, as confused as we were. Summer was wearing a green and blue skirt and a green jacket, Jeff was wearing whatever he always wears. They were surrounded by ornate decoration in the massive front area. They were finally seated by a woman pleading for death. She immediately questioned Summer frantically about why she was wearing green and whether she was in uniform. The desperate hostess tried to explain that the previous customers had also been wearing green. She made a mysterious choking motion, hands around her neck, prompting Jeff to remark later on that she has probably been pleading for death every night for four years, but since no one understands her silent signals, she has to work another day. Every day. Forever.
Summer and Jeff were seated among the pseudo-authentic eastern décor, peppered with statues, a burnt out Budweiser neon, and piles of boxes. Our waiter greeted us -- “We have a problem.”
He held his chest tightly. “The soda machine doesn’t work.”
We tried to assure him that we didn't want soda anyway, but he clearly thought we were lying and promised to go work on it.
Attempting to find a vegetarian appetizer, we blindly ordered fried won-tons. They were sampled cautiously…
Summer was the first to speak up. “These wontons are the chips and salsa of the orient.”
The phrase “orientalmex" was born.
The dipping sauce accompanying the wontons resembled thick cherry kool-aid and was pronounced by Jeff to taste just like ketchup. Summer objected to the description, but time would tell...
The radio blared generic 90s music, identified by Summer as Third Eye Blind. “You know, they came out around the same time as Matchbox Twenty”. The music faded in and out and varied in volume constantly as though they had given a small child exclusive rights to the volume knob.
Our waiter was a nervous wreck. He apologized constantly, a Hugh Grant without charm. We ordered entrees and he inquired “how would you like your chicken roasted?”
Jeff was confused again. Summer asked if to imagine that he was headless chicken, and he speculated that his soul was leaking out of him.
They discussed the apocalypse. Jeff proposed war over plastic troughs of waters like the ones we were gulping. Summer eyed her water cautiously.
When our entrees arrived, there were accompanyed by many mysterious empty plates of various sizes. One was quickly ushered away, accompanying by more whining from our sleepy waiter.
“I usually serve the lady first but my hands were full. I’m so sorry.”
His eyes pleaded for death as well. This was not our beautiful house.
Summer’s pepper-slathered fried rice was enough to feed a family of Schwartzeneggers. Jeff’s seasame chicken resembled nothing so much as testicles cooked in brown sauce and covered in pencil shavings.
While shoveling broccolis and spoonfuls of pepper into her mouth. Summer notixed some abnormally large cans in the back room.
Jeff turned around to check it out and immediately turned back. "One of those is ketchup." The can was approximately the size of a fire hydrant.
We didn’t know how to leave; paying the bill made Summer wring her hands with despair and confusion. If we stayed much longer, we too would start signaling strangers to put us out our misery.
On the way home, Summer tried to remember the name of a Billy Bob Thornton movie and she said she thought the title was a four letter word.
Jeff: “Poop? Back? Owls?”
Our young heroes order Wan Fu to be delivered in times of need. But last night, they wanted to sit down somewhere, so a momentous decision was made. Eating inside at the original Wan Fu on east Oltorf.
Summer and Jeff entered the warehouse like building confused, wondering if the people loitering at the front door were in line. It turned out to be homeless people, as confused as we were. Summer was wearing a green and blue skirt and a green jacket, Jeff was wearing whatever he always wears. They were surrounded by ornate decoration in the massive front area. They were finally seated by a woman pleading for death. She immediately questioned Summer frantically about why she was wearing green and whether she was in uniform. The desperate hostess tried to explain that the previous customers had also been wearing green. She made a mysterious choking motion, hands around her neck, prompting Jeff to remark later on that she has probably been pleading for death every night for four years, but since no one understands her silent signals, she has to work another day. Every day. Forever.
Summer and Jeff were seated among the pseudo-authentic eastern décor, peppered with statues, a burnt out Budweiser neon, and piles of boxes. Our waiter greeted us -- “We have a problem.”
He held his chest tightly. “The soda machine doesn’t work.”
We tried to assure him that we didn't want soda anyway, but he clearly thought we were lying and promised to go work on it.
Attempting to find a vegetarian appetizer, we blindly ordered fried won-tons. They were sampled cautiously…
Summer was the first to speak up. “These wontons are the chips and salsa of the orient.”
The phrase “orientalmex" was born.
The dipping sauce accompanying the wontons resembled thick cherry kool-aid and was pronounced by Jeff to taste just like ketchup. Summer objected to the description, but time would tell...
The radio blared generic 90s music, identified by Summer as Third Eye Blind. “You know, they came out around the same time as Matchbox Twenty”. The music faded in and out and varied in volume constantly as though they had given a small child exclusive rights to the volume knob.
Our waiter was a nervous wreck. He apologized constantly, a Hugh Grant without charm. We ordered entrees and he inquired “how would you like your chicken roasted?”
Jeff was confused again. Summer asked if to imagine that he was headless chicken, and he speculated that his soul was leaking out of him.
They discussed the apocalypse. Jeff proposed war over plastic troughs of waters like the ones we were gulping. Summer eyed her water cautiously.
When our entrees arrived, there were accompanyed by many mysterious empty plates of various sizes. One was quickly ushered away, accompanying by more whining from our sleepy waiter.
“I usually serve the lady first but my hands were full. I’m so sorry.”
His eyes pleaded for death as well. This was not our beautiful house.
Summer’s pepper-slathered fried rice was enough to feed a family of Schwartzeneggers. Jeff’s seasame chicken resembled nothing so much as testicles cooked in brown sauce and covered in pencil shavings.
While shoveling broccolis and spoonfuls of pepper into her mouth. Summer notixed some abnormally large cans in the back room.
Jeff turned around to check it out and immediately turned back. "One of those is ketchup." The can was approximately the size of a fire hydrant.
We didn’t know how to leave; paying the bill made Summer wring her hands with despair and confusion. If we stayed much longer, we too would start signaling strangers to put us out our misery.
On the way home, Summer tried to remember the name of a Billy Bob Thornton movie and she said she thought the title was a four letter word.
Jeff: “Poop? Back? Owls?”
Labels: funny, lovedones, mywriting
3.02.2007
Wan Fu, Too!
So, last week Larissa and I ordered a ton of food from local resteraunt Wan Fu Too (open till 3 am!). We were really excited about our new house but the oven hadn't been replaced yet, so our food order was large and in charge, including two main dishes (at Wan Fu their entrees could easily feed four) and fried spring rolls (yes!) I gave Rissa my credit card to pay for our $30 of good eatin'.
Jeff came over to watch up eat and hang out in our house, which is a lovely place to be with or without awesome chinese food. We were excited! An hour passed and our food hadn't come, but the Wan Fu person had told Riss it would be awhile. A knock came. I answered the door and Larissa and Jeff tuned out, assuming I was TCB.
I blinked at the person at our door, a skinny older guy wearing running shorts with a tiny weird dog on a leash. He blinked back. "I ate your food." I was confused. "What?" "Is this [our address]?" I nodded, still unsure of what was going on. "I live across the street." He pointed vaguely at the weird housing complex across from us that has plastic kid's furniture stapled to the outside wall. "They delivered your food to me and I ate it. I shared it with my neighbors. But they charged it to your card." He paused. My brow was intensely furrowed, trying to process what he was saying. "You ate our food?" "Yeah." I was really weirded out by this dude and I'm not very good with confrontation, so after a few awkward seconds I just waved in front of my face, as if batting flies of how FUCKING WEIRD this situation was and I told him it was okay. Now he looked confused. He handed me the credit card receipt."I came here to pay you back."
This is part of this story that is hard for me to explain, but put yourself in my shoes for a moment. This guy is totally freaking me out. There's clearly something wrong with him and he wasn't doing anything with his hands to indicate he actually had money to pay me back with. He was wearing shorts with no pockets. Clearly he didn't actually mean what he was saying, and I didn't want to look at him anymore. "Oh, well, that's okay..."
He glared at me "I'm TRYING to do the HONORABLE thing here!"
I wanted to say that the honorable thing would have been not to eat our food, but I kept my mouth shut. "Really, don't worry about it. I'll figure something out." I tried to close the door, but he interrupted "I'll cook you chinese food sometime."
I closed the door.
Larissa and Jeff turned, confused about why I wasn't holding mountains of fried rice. I explained, and they were understandably incensed. I tried to explain why I wouldn't 'let' dude pay me back (because he clearly couldn't or wouldn't even though he offered) and we decided to call Wan Fu and tell them we never got our food. When Riss called, the girl knew exactly who we were.
"Yeah, apparently your food accidentally got delievered to your neighbor and he, um, ate it, and then he, um, called us to tell us that he ate it. Which is weird."
They remade it and delivered it minutes later.
I haven't seen our food thief since.
Jeff came over to watch up eat and hang out in our house, which is a lovely place to be with or without awesome chinese food. We were excited! An hour passed and our food hadn't come, but the Wan Fu person had told Riss it would be awhile. A knock came. I answered the door and Larissa and Jeff tuned out, assuming I was TCB.
I blinked at the person at our door, a skinny older guy wearing running shorts with a tiny weird dog on a leash. He blinked back. "I ate your food." I was confused. "What?" "Is this [our address]?" I nodded, still unsure of what was going on. "I live across the street." He pointed vaguely at the weird housing complex across from us that has plastic kid's furniture stapled to the outside wall. "They delivered your food to me and I ate it. I shared it with my neighbors. But they charged it to your card." He paused. My brow was intensely furrowed, trying to process what he was saying. "You ate our food?" "Yeah." I was really weirded out by this dude and I'm not very good with confrontation, so after a few awkward seconds I just waved in front of my face, as if batting flies of how FUCKING WEIRD this situation was and I told him it was okay. Now he looked confused. He handed me the credit card receipt."I came here to pay you back."
This is part of this story that is hard for me to explain, but put yourself in my shoes for a moment. This guy is totally freaking me out. There's clearly something wrong with him and he wasn't doing anything with his hands to indicate he actually had money to pay me back with. He was wearing shorts with no pockets. Clearly he didn't actually mean what he was saying, and I didn't want to look at him anymore. "Oh, well, that's okay..."
He glared at me "I'm TRYING to do the HONORABLE thing here!"
I wanted to say that the honorable thing would have been not to eat our food, but I kept my mouth shut. "Really, don't worry about it. I'll figure something out." I tried to close the door, but he interrupted "I'll cook you chinese food sometime."
I closed the door.
Larissa and Jeff turned, confused about why I wasn't holding mountains of fried rice. I explained, and they were understandably incensed. I tried to explain why I wouldn't 'let' dude pay me back (because he clearly couldn't or wouldn't even though he offered) and we decided to call Wan Fu and tell them we never got our food. When Riss called, the girl knew exactly who we were.
"Yeah, apparently your food accidentally got delievered to your neighbor and he, um, ate it, and then he, um, called us to tell us that he ate it. Which is weird."
They remade it and delivered it minutes later.
I haven't seen our food thief since.
2.18.2007
In which I am a fashion icon.
See Photo # 7
You can buy me and Rissa practically poster-sized if you want. Oh, the possibilities.
You can buy me and Rissa practically poster-sized if you want. Oh, the possibilities.
Labels: funny, internets, lovedones
2.02.2007
"Try some, boy, and have some of your friends drink some also. "
Highlights of the Troll 2 screening / cast Q&A at Alamo Drafthouse last night:
- Mr. Waits hugged me. A lot.
- He is a dentist. He shows Troll 2 to his patients.
- Joshua described the Italian director getting in his face and yelling 'Bigger! Louder!'
- None of the crew spoke any English and the cast rarely knew the context for their lines. I knew it!
- That playboy son of the Coopers looks EXACTLY the same.
- Joshua is Mormon.
- Michelle asked them if any of them actually thought it would be good.
- Joshua's description of his Dad reading the script and saying "this is a pretty weird movie."
Grandpa! Are you really in Hell?
No! But I know a trick that a friend of mine who went there taught me!
- Mr. Waits hugged me. A lot.
- He is a dentist. He shows Troll 2 to his patients.
- Joshua described the Italian director getting in his face and yelling 'Bigger! Louder!'
- None of the crew spoke any English and the cast rarely knew the context for their lines. I knew it!
- That playboy son of the Coopers looks EXACTLY the same.
- Joshua is Mormon.
- Michelle asked them if any of them actually thought it would be good.
- Joshua's description of his Dad reading the script and saying "this is a pretty weird movie."
Grandpa! Are you really in Hell?
No! But I know a trick that a friend of mine who went there taught me!
1.26.2007
Couldn't you just record it yourself?
Summer: Thank you for calling, this is Summer.
Woman: Do you sell any white noise CDs?
Summer: ... Um, we sell meditation CDs.
Woman: No, no. Just white noise. For sleeping.
Summer: Oh, right. Um, I've never seen anything like that. Let me do a keyword -- yeah, nothing's coming up. Doesn't look like that's something we carry.
Woman: Well, I'm looking for a specific one.
Summer: ...
Woman: It's the sound of a hair dryer.
Summer: Yeah, we don't have that. I might be able to do some searching and see if we could order it.
Woman: No, I need it right away. Where could I find something like that?
Summer: I have no idea.
(Next time, I'll know)
Woman: Do you sell any white noise CDs?
Summer: ... Um, we sell meditation CDs.
Woman: No, no. Just white noise. For sleeping.
Summer: Oh, right. Um, I've never seen anything like that. Let me do a keyword -- yeah, nothing's coming up. Doesn't look like that's something we carry.
Woman: Well, I'm looking for a specific one.
Summer: ...
Woman: It's the sound of a hair dryer.
Summer: Yeah, we don't have that. I might be able to do some searching and see if we could order it.
Woman: No, I need it right away. Where could I find something like that?
Summer: I have no idea.
(Next time, I'll know)
Labels: funny
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